What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander

I’ve spent a good deal of time lately picking on the ladies, whether it be their hair, their clothing, or their behavior.  I’ll admit women’s fashions, hair styles, and the like are more interesting by nature than are men’s.  That doesn’t mean men don’t get it wrong as well.  With that in mind, it’s time to turn the table and give a little attention to the guys out there…

This is probably the least egregious of the bunch.  Honestly, the primary reason I snapped a photo of this gentleman was a comment from the bailiff.  This particular gent entered the courtroom and took a seat.  The bailiff, upon greeting him, asked, “Where is your pink carnation?”  That sort of tickled me — I used to play Marty Robbins’ A White Sport Coat (& a Pink Carnation) on the piano back in the day.  I will say, though, that it IS after Labor Day, and we are heading into October.  I was a good girl and retired my sandals for the fall/winter, so it might be time for Mr. Carnation to retire the light-colored sport coat as well.

The same day I snapped the photo of Mr. Carnation, I captured this gem walking into the local Sam’s Club.

There are so many things wrong with this look that I’m not even sure where to start.  I’m just not sure how the basketball jersey and plaid shorts go together.  There’s the t-shirt he’s wearing UNDER the jersey, which is definitely a different sort of look.  I’m pretty sure those are sandals with socks, which I thought was a style that went out eons ago, and let’s all be honest, if it hasn’t, we all hope it does so post-haste.  The hair appears sufficiently well-groomed, but I’ve only accepted the idea of men with long hair in the last few years; I’ve got a long way to go before I’m cool with men wearing buns.  And unless something has changed about Sam’s since I was in there a couple of months ago, that cigarette he’s smoking is going to have to go before he crosses the threshold.  This is an unquestionably unique look — and one I do not encourage others to duplicate.

This was a photo I did not know was being taken.  I am actually to this gentleman’s right, standing in front of the judge’s bench during a recent hearing.  Another attorney in the room snapped the photo and told me about it later.  He explained he took the photo because, to him, the Defendant looked like Danny DeVito as The Penguin in Batman.  (Thanks, Matt O.)  I can see it as well, and that earned DeVito’s Double a spot in this post.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say everything about this outfit is wrong.  I saw this gentleman walking down an open-air shopping mall last weekend.  (Note the second appearance of the “Great Pumpkin” in the background.)  From the too-tight button-down over a dark t-shirt, to the black socks and white shoes, this look is a mess.  With his hand in his pocket, and looking over his shoulder, he looks as if he thinks he’s got it goin’ on.  He doesn’t.  Bless his heart.

I am all about the American flag and patriotism and “mom and apple pie”, but I’m a traditionalist about it.  Note: I am offended when a singer of the Star-Spangled Banner “makes it his/her own”.  Some things just shouldn’t be messed with.  Consequently, it probably isn’t too difficult to guess how I feel about clothing with the flag draped across it.  I may be incorrect, but I just don’t think that is what our forefathers envisioned.  And I’m pretty sure that if they did, they didn’t envision it with those white socks and black shoes, to say nothing of the hat (that in all fairness, does go with his shorts).  

And lastly, I give you this gem, snapped last evening in the parking lot of a professional office building.  As someone who was previously in private practice, I just want to thank my lucky stars that I never had a client pay me a visit topless.  GROSS.  I’m sorry, but I truly can’t think of a situation where this would be appropriate attire for visiting one’s attorney’s office.  Ever!  Yet, there stands Dude — I’ve named him “Dude” — in the parking lot of his attorney’s office with two small children and what I presume to be his wife/baby-mama, shirtless.  Heck, it isn’t even as if he has a smokin’ physique.  I was appalled when I saw this.  And of course, I went straight for my iPhone to take a picture.  I’m pretty sure I’d welcome any, yes ANY, of the looks above over Dude’s.  Yikes.  Put on a shirt, Dude!

So the moral of the story is this: Guys, you are not exempt from my camera’s view-finder.  With that in mind, I recommend that you listen to your respective ladies when they offers “suggestions” on your wardrobe, lest you end up the subject of a Judged by Jenn critique.  (Of course, if your lady has the fashion sense of a colorblind turtle, you’re both in trouble!)


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