Stick It!

It seems everywhere I look I see yet another vehicle with a stick figure family in the back glass.  Surely I am not the only one who finds this trend both disturbing and annoying?  Is it really necessary to announce to the world that you are married with 2.3 children, a dog, a cat, and a turtle via a vinyl sticker on the back of your minivan or SUV?  (And for that matter, is it really safe?)

On the safety front, I am also troubled by the activity decals that so many parents put in the back glass identifying not only each and every activity in which their little darling participates, but also the school/team for which the kiddo engages in said activity, and the child’s name.  Really?  Do these people not watch the news, read the paper or spend any time on the Internet?  Really??  I do have at least one friend who shares my anti-decal view.  She has a daughter who is cheerleader at her junior high school.  At dinner recently, she said hers is the only family that didn’t do the window decal or the yard sign.  She said she is paranoid enough without advertising that a cheerleader lives there or rides around in her vehicle.  I completely support her position on that, and as soon as she said they didn’t do the window decals, I was cheering for that decision.  It’s sort of like the decision to NOT put a child’s name on his/her shirt.  Any old perv could approach the kiddo and call him/her by name, which, I’m sorry, has to give Mr. Pervy a little more credibility when trying to abscond with someone’s offspring.  

Here is an example of what I’m talking about.  I snapped this outside one of the courthouses I visit regularly.  It caught my eye because of the crossed batons.  While I am thrilled that this competitive baton twirling team exists, Anna’s mom might as well have printed the entire performance schedule on the back glass, because in this day and age, that sort of information would not be too difficult to obtain. (Note: No, I didn’t try.)

Anyway, back to the stick figures.  As you  have no doubt gathered, I am not a fan.  I think they are goofy.  They make me roll my eyes, and given the volume of the stick figure families on vehicles and the amount of time I spend on the road these days, well, all that eye-rolling gives me a headache.  I’ll be glad when that trend is over.  In the meantime, though, I have taken to paying attention to out of the ordinary stick figures.  Here are a few of the, um, different ones I’ve noticed.  I know some of these examples are real because I photographed them myself; it’s quite likely that others are not, but they are still worthy of being shared.

Swell.  Now we know your vehicle may contain mom, dad, and two sons, all of whom are Dallas Cowboys fans.  Spectacular.  Hard to get that from traditional stick figures, though, so they’ve plumped up the drawings a little bit and added color and “fan gear”.  (Note: I’m not a Cowboys fan; this just caught my eye in the grocery store parking lot last week.)

I don’t recall where I acquired this one.  It’s a little more descriptive than most, and again, plumps up the traditional stick figures, at least to a certain degree.  I’ve heard there is a debate on as to whether parents should tell their children they have a favorite.  I think putting this on the back on one’s minivan sort of eliminates the need to come out and say it.  It also eliminates an question as to mom’s opinion of dad.

I am the first to admit, I totally do not get the entire zombie thing that has become so popular.  Vampires? I understood.  Harry Potter?  Yep, I’m with ya.  Zombies?  Yeah, not so much.  (Side note: I also do not understand the thing with the mustaches.  What is that all about?  I’m not sure which makes less sense, but I’m pretty sure I follow the zombies further than I follow the mustaches.)  If memory serves, I pulled the photo on the left of the Internet.  (Someone’s facebook, maybe?)  The one of the right, I snapped — not very well, apparently — in the parking lot of a local bagel restaurant.   Again, these “stick figures” are less stick, more figure, and in the case of the one on the right, a little bit of blood and guts.  The one on the right cracks me up with the declaration that your stick figure has been devoured.  Even given my complete and utter lack of zombie-understanding — I work with someone who bought (and wore) a rubber bracelet in support of “Zombie Awareness Month” a few months ago.  Did I mention I DON’T GET IT?!?! — these decals are suitably sarcastic and, in my opinion, an appropriate response to those blasted stick figures.

I saw this online yesterday.  Nothing like putting oneself out there, right?  And mom appears to be doing just that.  With this SUV, one gets a mom, a daughter, a son, and either a cat or a dog.  (The photo isn’t quite clear enough for me to the able to tell which four-legged family pet.)  Great.  And I get the distinct impression that mom is needy, clinging, and doesn’t think she can function without a man.  (Yeah, I’m getting all of that from the window decal and shoe-polish addendum.  This blog is called JUDGED by Jenn, is it not?  So yeah, maybe I’m “judging” a little bit.  Go figure.)  This is a great lesson for the kids, and in my paranoid, former deputy prosecutor mind, as good as an engraved invitation to predators.  

Part of a parent’s job is to scar his or her kids for life, right?  Oh, is isn’t?  Well, apparently this mom didn’t get the memo.  Look, I did divorce work for too long not to find this completely hilarious.  It is, however, inappropriate.  We have mom and her passel of small children on the left, and “Beer guzzling baby daddy and his ho” on the right.  It’s just a gut feeling, but I don’t think this is an attempt to demonstrate family unity.  I’m also pretty sure it would go against the “no disparagement” provision that is present in the standard visitation order of at least a couple of the courts I have practiced in.  And besides all that, aren’t all those super-sized stick figures blocking the view out the back window?

And finally, I give you my personal favorite:

I think this says it all.


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