Does this dress make my…. Oh, nevermind!

We all know that other people seldom cease to amaze, entertain, and/or baffle me.  Today, I am baffled.  I am so baffled, in fact, that I am about to ask a question to which I (obviously) already know the answer.  That question is, “Do people just not think???”

When they roll out of bed in the morning — I’ll let you decide how literally/figuratively I mean “roll” — and throw on their clothes, do they just not think about how things look?  Do they not care whether their tops match their bottoms?  Do they not consider whether what they are wearing is appropriate for the venue in which they will be spending their day?  Do women no longer stop to ponder the age old question “Does this dress make my butt look big?”  

It is the final question that I plan to address in this blog, and I submit to you that the answer to this question is a resounding NO!!!

To support that belief, I offer the following exhibit:

THAT, for those of you who may be battling a glare on your phone/ipad/computer screen, is a muumuu with a gigantic gecko across the, um, posterior.  Right, because it’s always a great idea to emphasize what for many women is a “problem area” by splaying a larger-than-life lizard across it.  Hellooooo?  She has a nastly little lizard hand all grabby-style across her left cheek.  How did anyone decide this was a good idea?  How low must one’s grade have been in design school if this is the kind of garbage they are cranking out?  Does this come with other animals on it?  For instance, are there similar muumuus depicting coyotes howling at the moon, or kitty cats, or, heck, I don’t know, koala bears?  (If there are, I am pretty sure I don’t want to see them.)  And what demented buyer decided they simply had to have a shipment or two of those to fill the racks at their store?  

Look, muumuus are not exactly known for flattering one’s figure anyway.  (Nor, if we are being brutally honest, are they generally worn by those with especially attractive figures in the first place.)  Why, when designing something that is relatively tent-like in shape, would one do things to make the wearer appear even, um, larger?  And, if a muumuu were to exist that would flatter one’s figure, THIS? Is not that muumuu.  In fact, the hands down, no holds barred answer to the question “Does this dress make my butt look big?”, is an undeniable YES!!!  

Well, it’s either that, or her butt is making that gecko look big.  You decide which. 

(Side note: When I sent this picture to my mother, I made a point of specifying to her that this is a “muumuu”, and not a “patio dress”.  Years ago, she and I were selling oodles of stuff on eBay.  How we came to have a couple of muumuus, I honestly have no idea.  I do, however, specifically recall that she would not allow me to call them “muumuus” in the item description on eBay and instead insisted that I describe them as “patio dresses”.  I also recall sitting at her kitchen table “mooing” and laughing till I cried over the great muumuu/patio dress debate.  By the way?  You’d be amazed how quickly those things got snapped up on eBay.)


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