I was out of town modeling today. No, I am not going to share photos, primarily because it was a nasty, gross, wet, rainy day, and the photos serve as evidence that I looked like a drowned rat. I’m not sure what I expected. That “humidity blocker” I put on my hair, while fantastic, can only do so much. Especially in a downpour. And when the “runway” includes a trip out one of the store’s doors, down a sidewalk, and back into another door, well, that’s lots of exposure to humidity. I’m pretty sure the “runway” wasn’t to blame, though; I’m pretty sure it was due, at least in part, to my refusal to use an umbrella. Instead, I pulled the hood on my hoody up over my head, unibomber-style, and hustled from the house to the car, and then from the car to the store. Yeah, I’m guessing that didn’t do a whole lot for the curls I fairly hurriedly put in my hair, foolishly thinking that would stand up to the weather better than straight hair would. Oh, well. Guess my instinct that today would be better as a yoga-pants-and-sweatshirt-on-the-couch-with-a-book day was correct.
A few years ago when I was in private practice, I represented a very sweet lady in a divorce. Her soon-to-be ex-husband had consented, so she and I showed up at the courthouse to go through the required process for obtaining a default divorce. As we sat in the courtroom awaiting our turn, my client looked around wide-eyed at the other people who were also waiting for their respective cases to be called, and asked if all of those people were there to get divorced. I explained that a lot of them were, but some were likely there on other matters. My client then remarked that maybe she should hang around in the lobby after we finished in the hope of meeting some newly eligible men. This was before the ink was even on her divorce decree, much less before it was dry!! And I still chuckle to this day when I think of the judge’s face when, as he was signing the copies of her divorce decree, my client piped up out of nowhere and asked, “Judge, do you know anyone?” He looked at me with a puzzled expression as I managed to somehow choke out, “Judge, nevermind”, and rapidly usher my client out of the courtroom without losing my composure and busting out laughing. You just never know what people are going to do.
This week, I watched what looked to be a fifty-something year old woman standing in front of the judge having a case continued to another date. The woman asked the judge a question, and as he is prohibited by law from giving her legal advice, he told her, “Now, I can’t answer that.” Immediately following his words, she cocked one hip to the side, tilted her head, stuck her bottom lip out, and pouted to the Judge. It didn’t do her a lick of good, and he somehow managed to refrain from commenting on it. I thought I would crack up. Here’s the thing: this was not a woman most would call attractive, or hot, or even really average. She was kind of short and dumpy, and had features that suggested she might be depriving a well-deserving bridge of its troll. That should not have been a factor in this situation, since the judge cannot advise the attractive any more than he can advise the unfortunate-looking, but I just cannot imagine when in her life that pouting routine successfully obtained whatever it was she was seeking with any degree of success.
The attorney next to me in the line to appear in front of the judge and I were getting a kick out of her antics, however, and when he stepped up to call his case, he said he was going to try that pouting maneuver if he didn’t get his way. Um, yeah… Good luck with that… I’ll just wait over here and watch.
Gosh, I hope the entertainment value never goes away.
It is a sad state of attire when it becomes necessary to tell people they shouldn’t expose their respective midsections, or that it isn’t appropriate to wear tube tops, halter tops, bathing suits, pajamas, lingerie, helmets, or clothing depicting gang-related messages or obscenities to court. Seriously? It’s sort of like the warning labels on products. You just know that someone tried to dry his/her hair in the shower; otherwise, why would that warning be necessary? I can just see some nitwit wearing his Speedo to court and thinking if it’s okay to wear to a public beach or pool — it isn’t, by the way — that it is okay to wear it to court. WHO DOES THAT??? (Yes, I’m sure it’s more likely that some female showed up wearing her bikini top, but I’m having fun with this.)
And then I see something like the following, and understand why such an admonition is necessary.