Sitting in court on a Wednesday afternoon. This is one of my favorite dockets to cover. It is unlike anywhere else I go, and is easily the most fun. What follows is an example of why:

1:04 PM — IF YOU HAVE TO ASK…

Judge: Do you have any thought process issues?

Defendant: Well, I fell from 12 feet and landed on my head. At first they thought I would have brain damage, but I don’t.

1:18 PM. BACK TO THE FUTURE. Marty McFly, 30 years later. (Special thanks to J.W. who spotted this gem, and to L.M. Who provided the caption.)

1:36 PM — SELECTIVE HEARING.

Defendant, a young woman, is signing a consent judgment at the bench.

Judge (speaking to me): Boy, it sure is a beautiful day today.

Jenn (speaking to Judge): It is really pretty.

Defendant: Thank you.

[Awkward pause.]

Defendant (blushing): Were you taking to me?

Judge: We were talking about what a pretty day it is.

Defendant: Oh.

2:00 PM. CAR ENVY. Judge is talking to another female attorney about cars. It seems said attorney has recently purchased a new Mercedes. As did her husband. As they discuss models and features, it comes out the the female attorney purchased an SLK model prior to whatever model she has now, but after driving it a few weeks, felt it was too little.

Judge: There’s no back seat is there?

Female Attorney: No.

Judge: Can you even fit a rolled-up newspaper back there?

Female Attorney: No. I couldn’t even turn around. I felt like a fat girl in a little coat from that movie “Tommy Boy”.

And with that, the courtroom is now empty.