Jenn – 1, Weasel – 0

I just love when defendants appear in court and think they are going to pull one over on me and I turn it around on them.  Yesterday in court, a Defendant with whom I’d spoken at a previous court appearance — and whom I found to be exceedingly unpleasant, mostly because of his really bad attitude — approached me.  Usually that is not the way it works; usually the bailiff gives me the files of the defendants who are present, and I call them out into the hallway to discusses their respective cases, one at a time.  This guy attempted to skip the line by coming up to me directly as the chaos of the afternoon docket was just beginning. 
The courtroom door had just been unlocked, and there were way too many people standing in line and jockeying for position to check in with the bailiff.  At the front of the courtroom, defense attorneys rushed the various plaintiffs’ attorneys, in a hurry to get back to their offices to rack up more billable hours.  (Sorry, does that sound jaded?)  I was at the counsel table juggling defense attorneys and putting my orders with the appropriate files when the Defendant, whom I shall call “Weasel” due to his unsavory demeanor, walked up and said, “Hey! My attorney can’t be here today, so I am supposed to ask for a continuance.”  (No, there is nothing inherently wrong with what he said; just remember, it isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it!)   What weasel apparently failed to realize was I prepared my docket for court, so I was aware that he was, at least at that moment, still unrepresented.  The exchange that followed went like this:
“And who is your attorney?” 
“[Name of Attorney]”
That was where I became more amused than annoyed, because the attorney in question was standing maybe an arm’s length away from me with his back to Weasel.
“Oh, really?  That’s him standing right there.”
Needless to say, Weasel became very flustered, as the attorney turned around, asked Weasel his name, and indicated he had not ever met with Weasel.  Now, I think they did go out into the hallway where they had a little chat that probably resulted in the attorney accepting representation of Weasel, but still.  I got to have my fun.  Yes, I know it’s a shame that that is all it takes to amuse me, but at that moment, ruffling Weasel’s feathers was all it took, because, really?  I am not usually that difficult to get along with in court.  If a Defendant tells me they need more time to hire an attorney, I am probably going to agree to it unless the case has been dragging on for an unreasonable period of time.  Lying to me is really not necessary.
Oh, well.  I’ll leave you with a few pictures from yesterday’s court experience…

Nothing says, “attitude” like a mohawk and facial tattoos.  The coat he was carrying was oddly fuzzy/furry.  I’m not sure what that was all about, but it really didn’t go with the rest of his look.
I’ve had dark hair and red highlights before.  Currently I have ombre’ hair that is dark in the roots and slightly auburn at the ends.  With that said, I walked into the courtroom and was pretty shocked by this ‘do.  Trust me when I say this photo doesn’t do this red and black combo justice.  I know it is Halloween week, but something tells me this hair was not the result of a costume-gone-bad. 

This is a little hard to see — my fault; I waited too long to snap the photo — but these were some seriously painted-on leggings and a way-too-short-for-those-leggings top with silver sequined boots.  I am so sad that I didn’t snap the picture in time to get the full effect.  It is not a look I recommend.  For anyone.  This outfit is beyond acceptable limits for a quick trip to the grocery store at midnight when the store is empty, but for court?  Completely inappropriate.  You may be supposed to tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth”, but we don’t need to see the whole truth about every bump, bulge, and dimple.  Just saying. 
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